of Love and Romance

Hello there. 

Few words about romance. Romance is the key ingredient of lasting relationships and cardinal (not carnal) virtue which is the last stronghold against bedroom boredom. Here is selected picks for you to avoid catastrophe in your lovelife.

1. Choose a companion that you are actually interested in. Choose at least someone you already know. Romance cannot exist between people who are total strangers to each other. Romance without previous engagement is like shopping, you get what you want, pay and leave. And usually you just feel sorry for using too much time and money without true benefit. Sometimes shopping can be good therapy anyhow.
2. Call your friends while making love. Make romance a social and shared phenomenon.
3. When making love keep a mask on. So you will avoid being recognized if you want to hide your true identity. Plastic bag works also.
4. Keep your clothes on when making love. So you will not have to put them back on when leaving. Lovemaking is often faked so why bother taking clothes off.
5. Try to think lovemaking like a marathon. If you fail it is not the end of the world. You just have to practice more and understand that some may have more talents and better equipment than you have. And try to drink a lot before the actual performance. Try still avoid vomiting if execution is too much for your current fitness. After all lovemaking requires stamina and perseverance.
6. When you make love, take breaks every now and then. Have a snack or a drink. Nothing heavy though.
7. Systematize a love theory which has following parts: lead-in, methods, conclusions, ethics, concepts and measures. Remember that love is usually practice about theory.
8. Think foreplay as a check-up. It is the phase of game when both participants go through their gear and make sure that everything is where it should be.
9. Try to act like you were someone else or even better, try to think that you were having fun with your high-school teacher. Teachers are always hot.
10. Role-play is always encouraged. Don't wear costumes though. Lovemaking is nearly always about playing either Eve or Adam. If you really have to use your gardrobe creatively, choose to perform figures like Captain Hook, Uncle Scrooge, Chewbacca or one of the seven Dwarfs and make a full makeup. That should spice up things a bit.
11. Listen to music which makes you fully sentimental like Bon Jovi, Celine Dion or Elton John. Also Gladys Knight´s song ”Better love next time” or Marvin Gaye´s ”Is that enough” works beautifully.
12. After the rally is over don´t say anything because silence is golden. And if the romance was not properly conducted, is better not to try and fix it with words.
13. Try to remember that romance is globally shared need and emotional motivation. Still people tend to give it different features and contents. In Finland it is nice to make love every six years, in Sweden it is typical to cultivate among groups of men, in Poland people are so poor that it is their only hobby which doesn´t cost anything, in Germany movies are made out of romance, In France romance means exchange of baquettes in a friendly manner, in Britain people only make love in the dark, in Italy romance equals act between two people who both think that style really matters, In America people make love if they can fit into a same bed, In Africa love making is a rite to generate rain, In China if we stare the population it becomes obvious that love is the only thing they have in mind and in the Netherlands hopefully no one makes love – it is against European policy of Human Rights.

How do I know about these matters is a true mystery. I just know

Lost and Found

Tuhannen tulimmaista.

Okey, my next mission is to conquer China. My Roommate already asked me to join with him to a 24 hour massage adventure in Shenzen. He says that it should have an happy ending. Who would prefer otherwise, I wonder. Hopefully there is a masseuse too. Today I also bribed my Buddies with Finnish chocolate to do my laundry and write my assignments for this semester. They had to write official agreements with little print telling that no complaints would be handled. This is Chinese Democracy I say. You can do magic only with 4 bars of chocolate. Next time I will bribe the Mayor with three boxes of traditional Mämmi. Who needs dollars anymore?

I lost my student yesterday, or actually it has been found already. Now I have two official documents proving that I am a part of this great community. But the officials showed true effiency today. 9.37 I went to report my loss and re-issue a new card. 11.17 new card arrived. Two hours in Hong Kong is equivalent to two weeks in Finland. And you still wonder why China is attracting major global companies with irresistable benefits. But next time I will try what happens if I leave my passport photo in a public space unguarded. So I have some empirical evidence to back up my theory about men who suffer because of their good looks.

On saturday I was in Macao which is with Las Vegas the world´s worst place to visit if you are broke. At least now I know why the portuguese are suffering from burdensome poverty. They should have kept Macao as their national treasury. Well it also shows that Portugal has little or no sense of economic comprehension. 33 Casinos means lots of money and lots of bad architecture.

Casino buildings are all build by King Midas or by some fake greek visionary. But at least they offer something for everyone. The whole family can go and play: men in tables and wifes with children in McDonalds. But for me Macao was all about portuguese food. I did not even know that fishsoup was originally founded in Portugal.

I also visited the Macao Museum. All museums here are beautifully constructed. They have´made replicas out of every situation in their history. So even Macao was able to fill two rooms. In Hong Kong Museum of History people are led into a belief that Hong Kong was an evolutionary miracle.

In Finland people were born out of Swedes. So we share the same thinking in some parts. I participated also in exhibition telling about 1911 revolution in China. There were mainly old people present and I felt myself like a foreign spy. But China is a good example how a country can release itself from opression just to be opressed again within the same century. But some times these things can happen unnoticed. In Finland people were one time poor and became rich and now they are poor again. They just dont know it yet.

Tomorrow is My Birthday. I have disguised it as a international women´s day because I don´t really like celebrations. And of course I prefer giving over receiving. But those who will fail to remember my birthday will suffer eternally. I bought myself a gift also: two bottles of Tsingtao beer. Unluckily I don´t have an opener. Luckily I have bribed servants.

Tomorrow I will also go and see a movie. Last time I witnessed a scene where a girl was using her boyfriend as a slave to go and pick up popcorns for her in the middle of a movie. Someone just don´t get it. Being a man means that you are free from women´s naiive illusions of equality. Shame on you! Next time I hope this poor reflexion of a man will go movies with her father or a boyfriend. Or buys beer instead of popcorns.  

Mind the Cap - I just bought two new ones.