Mar 22, 2011

Every Story ends Happily

It took me 12 hours to do what Phileas Fogg did in 6 days; see China. On sunday I headed to Shenzen, a city near the border, where it is said to be millions of drug users and bums ready to take your internal organs and sell them to Mongolian shepherds.

Chinese border officials saluted me and greeted me as their liberator but sadly I had to reveal that I was only here to purchase cheap DVDs and get a massage. A slight disappointment there. At least they took a picture of me to put in Facebook (?). I have heard that the French were denied access and the British had to pay four times more than normal people just to get in and see how homeless piss on the streets – and no refunds. It is not stupid to ask but to pay. After seeing that China was actually everything you had read it would be, you were quite disappointed. You should actually start to believe what they say on newspapers. Luckily it is other way around in China. There you can be sure that everything you read will be false or at least suspicious. I should have brought with me a copy of Juoppohullun Päiväkirja to show how freedom and reason are appreciated in Finland. Now these poor bastards have to read only red books which tell how bad people the Japanese are. Of course not at this precise moment but again after the tsunami crisis has eased off. Even chinese cookbooks tell with pictures how the Japanese killed brutally Chinese comrades prevailing peace and communist family values. Traditional Finnish bloodpancaces would be a quarantee hit in China.

I was warned that in China people will call you names and mistreat you for being a foreigner. Well again I proved those accusations wrong. Maybe I can be mistaken as a Chinese, who knows. One thing which caught my eyes was that one man has the privilege to be in all their notes, he must be truly influental, not so pretty but powerful. My associate Manson, expert in foreign affairs, said that some think that this man is a god. Mao Tse Tung. For me he doesn't look like a god. He looks like billion other men in this country, maybe he can shoot fireballs or make himself invisible. Then there wouldn't be any need for a face in the note either.

We went with my associate to have a massage in facility of pleasures. The lovely ladies rubbed me head to toe and I bet it was an experience also for them. You don't get to touch spartan body everyday. My associate said that the masseuse woman was horrified before the massage of a lifetime: ”Oh my God (read Mao), this man is huge and hairy!” There was not even sizes for me when I was buying truckloads of quality shirts earlier that day. Yes but the performance was success. They call Thai massage aggressive and for sure, they got that right. I had to fight for two hours just to stay conscious. Luckily I was well prepared because I had had two light massages and a moment in 70 celsius (In Finnish we call this Swedish Bath) sauna before this crucial battle. But my colossal muscle area also exhausted the woman. Good for her that my generous tip will give her a month off from work.

Lastly we went to eat. In the morning we had already Dim Sum in a five star place where they have served also communist superstars like Deng Xiaoping. Restaurant was situated in 50th floor and there was a rotary floor. In Finland you will get a very close impression when you get yourself drunk and climb on the Näsinneula Tower. But the food was again excellent consisting of meat like cows stomach. A bite of juicy stomach is a reviving start to a fresh day. In the evening we cherished the fine odysseia with five dishes of seafood. I started to feel inner pride and outer grandeur while eating oysters and crabs. I could get used to this classy life. Well four euros is still a little bit outrageous!

All n All Shenzen treated us with warm and gentle hands. It is nice to see that the Chinese don't even know how to use their own Metro. For us all well that ends well.

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